Was I hit on?

Damn, I had an interaction with a guy the other day and it wasn’t until later on that it dawned on me, he just might have been hitting on me. Pathetic that I didn’t realize it, huh? Or maybe I’m misreading the conversation at this point?

I never have really been in the dating world. J and I dated from our freshman year in high school and then married the November after graduation. So I missed the whole high school dating scene and certainly never was in it in college since I was an old married woman with a job in college. And even now after the divorce, I have piddled with some first dates but nothing has come out of them.

So a few months ago, some neighborhood hoodlums broke WT’s window in his truck. I called the police and they got confessions out of the boys. They said they would reimburse me for the cost of the window. A bunch of delays later and a few missed connections with the detective in charge of the case (who knew our little town had a detective, that must be a boring job) and I was ready to give up ever seeing the money.

The other day, WT & I were getting ready to go to Dallas for an overnight trip to see my sister and WT told me there was an officer at the door. He had part of my money and wanted to give it to me in person since the check wasn’t made out to anyone in particular. We stood outside and chatted for a few minutes. First the man is tall. Granted I’m short at 5’2″ but this man was majorly tall, like over 6’6″. We talked about my magnolia tree that we were standing under and at one point he asked how long I had been divorced. I told him a couple of years and he said congratulations.

I don’t know if he is married or not. I am not the kind who is looking for a wedding ring on every guy I talk to. And I can’t think of a good reason to contact him that isn’t just weird or stalkerish. I do have his name and phone number though. Hmmm.

Attacked out of nowhere

So on my online dating site, it is a free site so you do see all kinds of people there. Because of my job, I have chosen not to post my picture up, figuring while it isn’t against the rules, it isn’t the thing to do. I do post that I’m a few pounds overweight (true).

Today I get an email from a guy who has been on the site about as long as I have been. I should have cut and paste it because it was really out of left field. But basically it said “A few pounds means you’re a fattie. You don’t have your picture up because you are ugly. Your profile is boring and unoriginal. Who are you to be picky? You have been on this site a long time because no one wants you. You are a skank and you need to take yourself to the bars to find a drunk man. Get off of this site and quit wasting men’s time.”

Wow. Do you figure someone (not me) isn’t handling rejection well at all? I started to respond but why give the satisfaction? His profile mentions that he is into fitness and working out, so yes he isn’t attracted to overweight women. That’s fine. Everyone has their personal preferences about what is attractive and some people do put more value on the surface than what truly makes up a person (although how often are those the ones who complain how they can’t find a honest good person in their lives). I’m honest I have weight issues. I don’t claim to be average size and then surprise the poor guy at a first meet. I have pictures (less than a year old) and I usually include them in my emails with guys. Skank? No one who knows me would ever call me a skank. That’s about as far off the mark as a person can go in describing me. And yes, I don’t care who you are in this world, everyone has the right to be picky about who they want in their lives. Luckily I have a lot of self-confidence to believe despite my weight, I am deserving a good, intelligent guy who can see me for the wonderful woman I am.

And then poor Steve will be still bitter and alone in the workout room.

Trying to use new fishing gear

I changed my profile on my online dating site.  Instead of the usual boring one I went with this…

Job Description – Current opening for a Friends with Benefits position to a woman with a career and children. Position is a part time position but could potentially be of a long term duration. Hours will vary but potentially involve every other weekend and occasional times during the week. Duties will vary dependent on the applicant’s background but should include some dining out and entertainment, with some occasions including entertainment of an adult nature. This is not a position for a new husband or father for children, it is for a companion.

Requirements – Successful applicants should be able to carry on a conversation on a variety of topics besides just about himself. Interests should be of a nature of more than just Nascar and favorite flavor of beer and the original application should include more than a “hi, how are you?” statement. (Translation, intelligence and humor are required.) Also a picture of the applicant will be needed (and one will be given in exchange to keep a level playing field).

Disqualifications – Applications requesting porn watching will be immediately deleted. Applicant cannot be attached to a significant other. Applicants who think this is a wham bam thank you ma’am experience need not apply.

(Oh c’mon, you know this is basically how we all see this place, a lot like a job interview. There is the resume, the interview and then hopefully an offer and acceptance…)
———————————-

Almost instantly I have heard from two promising guys.  Guys who get the satirical nature of the profile and understand I’m not looking for the perfect long term relationship.  Sheesh who would have thought getting a guy interested in a casual relationship would be so damn hard.  Well I take it back, I do get lots of offers to watch porn and I’m not sure how I keep resisting such a delicious offer as that.   And I also turned down the one whose profile said he was looking for a sugarmomma (what possesses them to think someone is going to find that irrestible).  So of the two interesting guys, one is in the Dallas area which is doable and another is here in the city I work.  He and I share a similar taste in book reading so at least there are conversations that could be had. 

The next hitch is the ex is suppose to have the kids this weekend but has a “job” opportunity in Houston he wants to go to but he isn’t sure yet if he is (money of course being his issue).  And when I called him to get a firm answer, he is back into his wanting to chat and get my opinion (which he never listens to) which tells me that his relationship with Ju-Ju is rocky again.  Fine whatever but damnit, answer the question, will I have the kids this weekend or can I go out on a date?  And my advice was not to go to Houston.  It is another one of his opportunities to volunteer and maybe it will turn into a real Federal job.  Yeah been done that road before – sounds good and never turns into anything.  He just doesn’t learn.  Oh well not my problem.

Online dating

I have found I do much better with my profile if I don’t have  a picture and say that maybe all I really need is a good FWB.  Actually I think I need a good gay guy to hang out with. 

I really only want someone to help me fill in my kidless time.  During the time I have the kids, I don’t have time for a relationship.  I wouldn’t be good material.  I just need a regular guy to scratch my itch from time to time and someone who can help to entertain me and help me get out of my rut. 

You would think this would be easy.  You would think there are guys who would like this kind of arrangement.  Instead I get emails asking me if I want to get together to watch porn or if I want to model for them (hhhmmm, I do mention in my profile that I am a few pounds overweight!!).

Why do guys do this?

I have a profile up on one of the dating sites.  I’m vague to some details like occupation and such because those are items that really best left up to a first date.  I also have a decent career and don’t want someone looking to me to support them in a lazy way of life.  I say I have kids but don’t say how many or what ages but I didn’t not select the option that my kids are grown.  I am very clear in my profile that I can only date on the weekends the kids are with their dad, so obviously the statement is made that they are a high importance in my life.  I also clearly state I’m not looking for a dad for them, I’m looking right now to find someone to spend my time I’m not parenting.

So this guy contacts me through the website and all his email really says – What kind of job do you have and how old are your kids?  Now I have actually been on a first date with this particular guy before but since I have a new profile, he doesn’t know that.  He didn’t strike me as creepy then but the way this email is done is creepy.  Normally I email a thanks but no thanks.  This time I just deleted it. 

Hint, guys when you show no real interest in a woman besides to know what kind of money she makes and about the kids, you send out the creep vibes.

Men

Man #1 of the weekend – I had emailed  a couple of times with guy M from an online dating site.  We decided to meet on Saturday evening for a glass of tea or such at a local deli.  He was easy to talk with and nice.  He is a single dad raising a 12 year old boy and a grown daughter.  He said many women are turned off by the single dad part, which I have heard single dads with custody complain of before.  I don’t understand it, I would think a man in that situation would be ideal, in that he would have a great understanding of the complications of being a single mom.  The other thing is that he is frugal.  Well, I’m not sure that frugal is a fair description.  He is driving a car that is past its life expectancy and living in a very crappy apartment.  It is hard to tell on a first date if this is really being frugal or if he is beyond cheap into a money psychosis.  Oh well I did go with him to his apartment and had a nice evening of being treated like I’m a woman.  It has been many years since someone told me I am pretty or desirable. 

Man #2 – The X took the kids to Ju-Ju’s house despite my clear objections.  It came out while he was still here after dropping the kids off and then he tried to get out of it by saying he had texted me telling me he was taking them there.  I told him that I do not want the kids there and he is telling me that she has changed and that it was ok for the kids to be there.  Less than 2 weeks is not enough time to see if she has really changed her ways but he is too stupid to see it.  I told him that I do not like the kids being around her mind games and he said everyone plays mind games.  I can’t believe he believes mind games are acceptable.

I’m going to whine now

You are warned.

I really want to have a man around.  I miss having the companionship, the shoulder to lay my head on, the feel of someone putting his arms around me and let’s face it, sex.  At this point, I don’t care about forever ever after.   I would take a few months of enjoying some companionship. 

And quite frankly, it pisses me off that because I’m not a slim little package on the outside, guys pass me over, online and IRL.  They fuss about wanting a real woman, someone honest, etc and yet here I am, not good enough.  They don’t know how fortunate they would be to be with me.  I’m low maintenance, funny and intelligent.  Never once did I even consider cheating on my ex, to the point I passed up an opportunity after we were separated just because I wanted to be always able to say I never crossed a line I shouldn’t have. 

People say stupid things like it will come when you aren’t looking for it.  Well I can tell you that sitting at home isn’t going to accomplish anything and I live in an area that is focused on bars for socialization, which has never been my scene.  I don’t work in an environment for meeting people and I don’t have friends who know people to hook me up.  If I don’t do the online stuff, I will grow moldy.

So last night

He kissed me.  Now that may not sound like a big deal but remember it has been nearly 18 months since I have had sex and even longer since I have been kissed.  For some reason over the years he became less and less of a kisser.

So I was getting ready to head out to WT’s game, he was taking the twins to a Scouts round up (somehow he has my daughter involved in Boy Scouts but that’s another issue).  I was giving the twins their kisses goodbye and he was in the kitchen fixing them a quick supper.  I told him that after giving the kids kisses and with him in the kitchen cooking, I felt like I was suppose to give him a kiss good bye too.

Next thing, he was giving me a very sweet kiss.  Not one of pent up passion but  of tenderness and something else I can’t say I’m ready to define.  I broke it off, told him that he was on dangerous ground with someone who has been 18 months without and drove off.  When WT & I got home, he was ready to leave and he never mentioned it this morning during our routine morning phone call.

But of course it is heavily on my mind.

Confusion

Last night I went to dinner with WJ (aka the X) and WT for WT’s 15th birthday (I can’t fathom how he has grown up on me but that is a different situation).  And so much is confused for me.

He wants a reconciliation but he is advocating the go slow process, rebuilding our friendship and seeing where it takes us.  He feels that we will be able to get through it all but he wants the time to show me that he will make it different and that he is sincere.  It is a smart well thought out plan.  It is logical and cautious.

And damn it, while I know with my head it is the right course of action, I want to get back to a life again.  I miss being touched and loved.  I miss the support of a companion, in tasks and just emotionally.  I’m tired to shouldering parenting and everything.  He is getting active with the kids and all but it isn’t the same as someone who can oversee homework while I cook dinner (or vice versa).  I’m basically tired of being alone and waiting while we go through the motions is just continuing the drain on me.

We have talked about how we don’t know where the lines are.  He wants to reach and touch me but isn’t sure if it is the right move yet.  And I’m afraid if he does reach out and touch me, I’m likely to jump the poor guy. 

It sucks he is being the logical one and I’m being the emotional one driven by all the wrong reasons.

Do I love him?  Yes.  He’s been so much of my life and when I’m sitting there with him, it feels right and home.  It isn’t the take my breathe away type of love.  I wouldn’t trust that even if it was.  It is the kind of love that makes you glad to hear his voice (because he does call me about 3 times a day now) and know the easy things to make him laugh.  I feel more complete when I’m with him, more at home. 

And to top it off, I found an old high school friend on Facebook.  He is still hot, single and might be about 10 miles away from my house.  And I look at the fat me that I am and know that I’m not his type. Which brings me back to part of my confusion about reconciliation with WJ.  I’m not sure how much of what I think is still love for him is really just me knowing that during my entire life, he is the only man who ever found me attractive, so therefore he is a safety net.

Little life truths

The pic won’t format correctly for me to fit the width of my blog page so please follow the link for the great wisdom of the ages.  I promise you will find the link worthy.

 http://www.berkeleybreathed.com/pages/Favorite_Strips_Full.asp?ID=11