More documentation

Sorry, easier to do this here so I can find it easily when I need to.

The kids have been with the ex for the last two weeks. On Monday July 6 he took KB to the dr for ear pain. I couldn’t get an answer from him until the next morning what was wrong with her because his girlfriend doesn’t like him talking to me, even if it is about the kids’ health. She had wax buildup and it was irritated but not infected. He did not get the prescription the dr gave him filled. He says because she didn’t really need it, she is under the impression it was because he couldn’t afford it. She came home on Sunday night and has been in pain with her ear ever since. He told me when he dropped them off that he was putting a drop of olive oil in her ear instead of the prescription. So that night I ran down to the store and got medicine for swimmers ear because he said it only bothered her a little after swimming.

She had been swimming on Sunday and then swam Monday at a friend’s house. She took her drops with her and used them but called during the night because she was hurting. There was nothing I could do for her and I didn’t want her waking up the mom to leave in the night so I got her first thing this morning. When I asked him for the prescription so I could get it filled, he suddenly will take care of it. Rather than deal with me, he is going around me to my mother who has KB today so I can work.

And then there is the whole issue of WT working for him this summer but J decided to hold WT’s money rather than give it to him until they can set up a savings account. J already owes WT $1000 of money he borrowed from him years ago when WT had another job. J owes me $3000 in back child support. WT can have $100 in his wallet for over 2 months without spending it. Why not let WT have his money that he earned? The kid is 15, certainly of an age to handle his own money and he will do a better job of it than J ever would. So after I talked to J about it, he gave WT almost all of his money. Not surprising, J is a little short having all of it. J is an independent contractor so WT is technically working in a family business and many of the standard rules don’t apply to him. But WT wants to work with his dad so I’m letting him.

While the kids were with the ex, they had like seven kids at the house and WT felt like he was always being blamed for everything that happened. Then last night he was holding Ju-Ju’s little toy dog when he was needed for something. He admits he was kinda tossing the dog onto the furniture when she took a leap out of his hands. The combined actions made it look like he threw the dog and Ju-Ju absolutely lit into him. WT said that later Ju-Ju said that she was overwrought with the stress of so many kids and that J only kinda stood up for him. J is now trying to say that the reason Ju-Ju treats these other kids over there better than she does my kids are because she feels closer to those other kids because they are family (cousins and such). Gee, that’s a way to make the boyfriend’s kids feel really welcome and part of a family. WT doesn’t want to go over there much to begin with and I think these two weeks might have sealed the deal. I don’t have to sabotage his relationship with his kids. He does really well on his own. I used to try to defend him to the kids but I just can’t keep doing that.

That was quick

He moved in for a week and has already moved out. He said it wasn’t comfortable living in MY house. (Funny how we bought the house together) He says he is living at his parents’ house but I suspect he is with Ju-Ju more than he admits to (he says they are friends). He tried to blame me for his being homeless. His argument for this is that if I would allow Ju-Ju to be in the car when he comes to get or drop off the kids, then his relationship with her would be fine. I just feel strongly that I should not walk out of my house and see her skanky face. Future girlfriends of his won’t have the baggage of emotions that I have about Ju-Ju. We had problems before she came into his life but I think we would have stood a chance to get through them without her meddling in his life. We will never know but I am allowed and entitled to feel the way I do. I have asked very little out of him and this is the one thing I feel strongly about. I know I have no say about where else he takes her. Technically I don’t have a say in this, she can sit in his car on a public street and I can’t do a thing about it, except to rescind all the high levels of cooperation he gets from me.

I have found the color I’m painting my bedroom, a beautiful lavender. I need to figure out how much I can afford to do this Saturday. I don’t get paid until Monday and of course since the month isn’t over, child support isn’t in either. But I’m looking forward to the color on the walls. I think with the green accessories throughout the room, it will be beautiful.

Mistake in the making?

J is still wanting to move out of Ju-Ju’s house but he doesn’t have a place to go. It is hard. His income is inconsistent and with his medical issues, he is afraid of trying to manage a rent until he knows more about how things are going to work on his own.

So I offered last year when he was in the hospital for him to come and live at my house. He could room with C as a boys’ room and KB could sleep in my room since she spends part of the night in there every night anyway. At the time, he didn’t want to take the offer but now things are bad enough he is considering it. There are definitely some boundaries and time limits to be set but there are pluses for me. He would be able to take care of some of my minor maintenance issues I have been avoiding. It would take some of the pressure off of me on dealing with the kids. He would be able to get the damn garage cleared out.

I know many would say I’m insane for doing this. But I don’t want him living with his parents because when he has the kids over there, they get yelled at by his father a lot. His brother’s house has as even more tension than he has in his current living situation. He deeply loves his kids and misses being with them more. We might not be what people think of as a family any more but we still are in many ways.

We lived together just fine in the past. No one realized we had problems because we were never the kind to yell at each other so when we told the kids, they were blindsided because they never saw any signs of problems.

In case you were wondering

I’m still alive and well. Nothing of great interest has been happening so not much to talk about.

That weird stalker on FB continues to be, well….just weird. I haven’t really talked to this person IRL in about 20+ years. We would run into each other every so often, chat for a couple of minutes and go on. So today I updated my status that I am having dinner with an old friend today and she comments “can I be nosey and see if it is anyone I know?”. Well she may not have much of a life of her own but I have had during the time since we left high school. Sheesh. She is always gushing about her new husband and how much love and lust they have for each other. Hmmm, TMI? I have set my FB options so that I don’t see much of her status updates but every once in a while I see them and it is just annoying. Yes I should just drop her but we still have friends in common who that will make their lives uncomfortable (why did T drop me, did I do something to her, find out what is going on..) so I just ignore her and every once in a while notice her.

The X is back to wanting out of his life with the miserable girlfriend and has no clue how to get on with his life. Granted, he is in a huge hole financially and it isn’t an easy thing to get out of but not my problem. I think when I told him one day that I am content with my life right now and never been happier that it was a huge hit on the head that I’m not sitting around mourning losing him and that his chances of getting back with me dropped considerably.

Spring is starting up. We have trees with the fresh light green leaves and it is beautiful. I started this last weekend to reclaim my backyard by burning fallen limbs. I have way too many pecan trees and they are a headache. I love spring and yard work.

Telling the future – my next profession

Yup, he’s on the outs with his girlfriend. Big whoop. Since he is talking about living in his pop up camper at the local campsite, I’m betting his single nature won’t last long. One of the best lines about this came from my sister who said that is one step away from being homeless. Whatever. He likes to talk about being a camper and roughing it, but I bet life in the camper gets old really quick, especially since it has no restroom in the camper. I have to admit, I hope he doesn’t live there long because he won’t be able to take the kids any during the summer and I do look forward to my mini-vacations from parenting. It isn’t that I don’t love my children, but there is a reason single custodial parents need the kids to spend time with non-custodial parent. Being a single parent is intense and we need time to recharge our batteries. I miss them when they are gone and I can’t stop worrying about them. But I am not play the ref to all of their squabbles and I’m able to just relax.

I got a call from the State Attorney General’s office on Friday. They were going to be processing paperwork to get a court date. Woohoo!!! He’s of course wanting to work this out with the court. Duh. I tried to explain to him that it is not working for me to try to collect from him. He gets me emotionally involved with all of his reasons he can’t pay which isn’t fair to me. They will be an unbiased third party. They have experience about what is fair in the collection, especially in regards to his upcoming surgery(ies). He needs to understand the child support is not optional but mandatory. He blames his girlfriend because she gets so upset when he pays me before paying his share of the bills around there. Well, if she was waiting for child support, she would be singing a different tune. But she should not be a factor in the equation. And now that I’m paying health insurance out of pocket, the problem has grown.

He makes all kinds of promises and he really means it at the time he makes promises. He is just bad about following through with his promises. He lets other things (and people) control his life. He’s not a bad guy, he’s just clueless.

Pork chops

So the X came Sat morning to the twins’ basketball games, yet again without his girlfriend. It has been kinda interesting that she hasn’t been at any of the games, even when they have the kids given how jealous she is about him being anywhere near me. But Sat after the game he and I were talking about the kids. I try to keep him informed of as much of their doings as possible, even the little mundane things. Off hand I mentioned that KB was having a friend spend Sat night and she had requested pork chops for dinner. He said he missed my pork chops so I reminded him that we have one of the best known meat markets in our little town and he should pick a few. He knows my recipe (which is mostly about sprinkling on garlic powder, etc before pan frying them) so I wasn’t understanding why he would be so incredibly wistful about my pork chops. Well he goes to say that the other members of his household don’t like seasonings on food, they prefer everything bland and prefer eating out all the time.

We talked a couple of times that afternoon because I thought CT might have broken his nose and I wanted his expertise (as a EMT) about what to watch for and if it meritted a trip to the ER. He called later that night and talked to me for 30 minutes about his career outlook.

All of this points to the fact that he is once again unhappy with his relationship and once again I’m the fallback person in his life. However this time, I’m just observing his wandering lost and not feeling anything for him but pity. He needs to learn to live his life alone before he can share it with someone else. I see this in so many people, they hustle from one relationship to another because being alone is unbearable. Again you can’t find happiness with someone else unless you are first happy within yourself.

From the incredibly stupid files

Oh wait, I bet you know who this is about.

Last Friday late afternoon, he texted me wanting to know if I would switch weekends (the following day and Sunday) with the coming up weekend.  I had plans of things I was going to do that weekend – nothing of Earth-shattering importance, but still plans.  I texted back I could if I had to but that it would put me in a bind.  See, I knew he was trying to find someone to watch the kids so he and Ju-Ju could go to a wedding.  I wasn’t refusing to take my kids, because I won’t do that, but I wasn’t going to make it easy for him.  3 texts later, he says never mind, he would keep the kids.

He decided not to get the kids on their birthday as it is so far (25 miles) to drive just to spend a couple of hours with them and wanted to have them for a few hours this Saturday.  I had said yes so I could spend the evening of their birthday with them myself.  So today he texts when can he have the kids tomorrow?  I said 12-4, which is 2 hours more than the court papers say he can have them for their birthday.  Oh, he wanted the morning hours.  Too bad, they have basketball games in the am. 

When he dropped off the kids Sunday night, I told him he had one week to get his stuff out of the garage.  He wanted to know if there was a reason and I said I was tired of storing his stuff.  So today he texts me that he has been sick and wants to know if he can have another week to get his stuff.  Here’s the deal.  When he moved out in JUNE 2007, he said he would have his stuff out of the garage soon.  As the months went by, he would come by and get the stuff he needed but left incredible amounts of junk in the garage.  I had it put in the divorce papers that he had 60 days from when the divorce was finalized to get his stuff or he forfeited rights to it (this includes the junk van sitting in my backyard).  Nothing.  Now honestly I don’t have stuff to store in the garage and I’m not in a personal hurry to clean it up since the mess is one he made, it is just the principle of it all.  Then this fall, when he split up with Ju-Ju, he wanted to store some stuff there that his father didn’t want at his house (where X was living at the time).  Of course once he got back with her, he didn’t come for his stuff because they don’t have a garage at her house (he was working with her husband to remodel it into a living room when he started his affair friendship with her).  So I have been after him yet again to get his stuff.

So I sent him a text message back.  1 – If you want a favor from me, have the courtesy to call me or see me.  I don’t have time all day to spend typing out text messages.  2-If you are too sick to get your stuff, perhaps you shouldn’t be getting the kids and risk getting them sick.

Asswipe.

All alone

The kids have gone to be with their dad for the week.  Well I do get to have them Christmas Eve because that is the day my family has our Christmas celebrations.  It has always worked well for everyone, Christmas Eve at my family’s and then Christmas Day with his.  So even in the divorce, we both get to spend quality time with the kids without a lot of debate.  I will get them that morning, we will come home and open presents and then go to my family’s for the day and then I will return them that night. 

The only thing is that I don’t know about letting them take their new Gameboys to his house.  They will want to because they say they are bored there.  But things have gotten stolen there and disappeared.  Plus there is the evil part of me that says they can bored there and make his life miserable, even though I realize that I’m not being fair to my kids.  But in truth it makes no sense for them to take their present from me (out of my hard earned money since I still haven’t seen any child support going on 3 months now) and then get a lot of gifts the next morning. 

I had to work yesterday but that wasn’t the end of the world.  I used it set up binders for the new year.  I’m so anal about these things, I love having a good template for my binder spines that have the company logo and look so organized.  Much like how I love that we have some of our low functioning students who come in for job skill training sorting paperclips so that my big paperclips aren’t mixed in with the larger paperclips.  This is actually good for them because they work on sorting things and then counting them into packaging. 

So today I have slept in, read part of my book, went shopping, made fudge, cleaned the kitchen and am doing laundry and watching a pay per view.  Yeah I really know how to spend my free time.

Notations for my record

The 1.2 average readers of my blog can ignore this post.  I’m just documenting here because I have found as I’m trying to reconstruct certain chain of events surrounding my ongoing thing with the X, this blog and the old one are good for information as to what happened when.  So I’m just going to note for the record that apparently X is back to working, has the money to buy the kids new outfits, new shoes (that they did not need and have to be kept at his house), have holiday portraits made and get a massage at the mall but has not paid me for outstanding medical bills or provided proof of their health insurance.  Very interesting.

So this morning I sent him an email requesting that he furnish me the proof of insurance he told me two weeks ago he had set up.  The conversation two weeks ago went that he had taken care of their insurance and was having to pay for a whole year’s worth.  I told him I would need proof of insurance and he said he didn’t have it yet but as soon as they sent the proof, he would get me a copy.  Now he says that he was looking into insurance and apparently can’t get it because of his current medical history (no surprise on that).  Amazing how often he lies to me.

Carry on with your normal blog browsing.

Another milestone

Today is the one year anniversary of my divorce.  Ok so for one year I have officially have had no men in my life.  I hope that it takes care of the “don’t rush into a relationship right after you end one” comments.