Clinically Depressed Poodle Mauls Former French President Chirac
Former French President Jacques Chirac was rushed to a hospital after being mauled by his pet dog who is being treated for depression, in a dramatic incident that rattled the ex-president’s wife.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,481426,00.html
I just don’t have enough imagination to come up with better stories than what the media provides.
Although this is intended to be humor, I can see where something like this really is possible, as we slide rapidly towards socialism/communism.
Via E-Mail …..
Washington, DC – Congress is considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.
“Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,” said California Senator Barbara Boxer. “We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.”
In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. Employer of Persons of Inability.
Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement ‘warehouse’ stores (65%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).
Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million ‘middle man’ positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.
Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.
Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, ‘Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?’
“As a Non-abled person, I can’t be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,” said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint , Michigan , due to her inability to remember “rightey tightey, lefty loosey”. “This new law should be real good for people like me,” Gertz added. With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Said Senator Dick Durban (D-IL): “As a Senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary.”
or maybe scream like a little girl…
The pic won’t format correctly for me to fit the width of my blog page so please follow the link for the great wisdom of the ages. I promise you will find the link worthy.
http://www.berkeleybreathed.com/pages/Favorite_Strips_Full.asp?ID=11
It drives me batty when fairly intelligent people ask for help that is answered by a simple Google search. I’m talking people who seem like they can use the internet.
Glad I’m not the only one.
1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men’s work boots, used, size 14-16.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim:
I went for more shotgun shells and to pick my check up from the slaughterhouse. I should be back in an hour. Don’t mess with the Pit Bulls–don’t know what got into them, but they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don’t think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of ‘em in the house.
Better wait out here on the porch.
“Cooter”
‘We, in Ireland, can’t figure out why you are even bothering to hold an election in the United States.
On one side, you have a lawyer, married to a lawyer, running against a lawyer who is married to a lawyer.
On the other side, you have a war hero married to a good looking woman who owns a beer distributorship.
What are you lads thinking over there?’
It is once again time for someone to declare they have found the lost ark of the covenant.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,355264,00.html
I don’t know why they keep searching. I keep telling them it is hidden in my closet. Sportzmom and Hip Shaker keep certain men locked away in their closets, I hide great pieces of archeology treasure in mine, waiting for Indiana Jones to come find it. Unfortunately with the way he has aged, I think I need to give him a bigger clue. So here I am, on the internet, telling him where to come look.
Any other archaeologists interested in the treasures I have hidden will need to email me a current picture of themselves.
I do believe in reincarnation. I think that is the reason we feel such an instant connection with some people we meet along our way. One book I read made an interesting statement, that if there is a place and time in history that fascinates you, it is possible that you had a great life there. So with that thought, I lived in Elizabeth I’s time, in ancient Egypt, in the South during the Civil War and many other places. No wonder I go around feeling old some days.
I like the idea that we get more than one try in life. I think that life is a wonderful gift and I hate the idea that we only get one chance at it. So maybe it is just wistful thinking that tells me that reincarnation happens but given how often we just know someone, the power of intuition and deja vue, why not have fun with the idea of reincarnation.
I’m not so sure about the coming and going as animals. However, if I do come back as an animal, I got an email that I want to use here and hope that there is some truth to it.
In my next life, I’d like to come back as a bear. When you are a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.
Before you hibernate, you are suppose to eat yourself stupid and then will wake up thinner than when you went to sleep. I could deal with that too.
As a mother bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you’re sleeping and wake up to partially grown cute cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.
If you’re a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you can swat them too. I could deal with that.
If you’re a female bear, your mate expects you to wake up growling. He expects that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat and finds you attractive for it.
See ya in the woods next go around!
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