A New Year

I’m not going to make resolutions because those are fake and never work. But I was thinking about something a friend said about how seldom we get chances to start afresh. I’m in nowhere the situation like what she was talking about as I don’t have the chance to just pick up and move and start life completely over.

But the freshness of the new year is exciting. And it made me think about what do I want to see out of this year ahead of me.

1. I want to see projects around the house done so I can enjoy my home more. I am coming to realize what I want isn’t in my skillset (after the weekend fiasco of trying to turn off the water to the house) but I can hire people for little projects here and there. Part of enjoying my home more will come with some better housekeeping. I have started the kids on more structured chores. There is no reason for them not to be helping more.

2. I do want to become more physically fit. I’m not sure that I can and will say that equals weight loss. But for example, I have a goal of during the next two months to get in better water drinking habits again. When my offices move to the new building this spring, we will have a workout room with equipment and I want to use those on a regular basis.

3. I am settling into a rhythm of being on my own. I like it for the most part. I like me and while I’m certainly not perfect, I’m happy with who I am and where I am in life. I have a good job that has great career potential ahead of me. The kids and I are doing ok financially (could be better if I ever saw child support but that is in process). I want to set some financial goals now that I’m getting out survival mode.

4. I want to travel some this year. I watch some of the discount airfares and want to take some weekend trips to see some of my friends. The question is, do they want me to see them? I could scare poor CMajor when I tell him it is a lifelong goal of mine to get up to the northwest…

So in a nutshell, I’m content with the path I’m on. I have some finetuning to do but I feel good about my direction in life. Last year I felt that I was just drifting and doing what I could to survive. Now I’m past that stage and can look ahead with a sense of direction and purpose. I know too many people who stay in that surviving mode and are unhappy with life. I truly believe that you have to have a sense of direction. It doesn’t mean changing your life drastically in all cases – it just means you have a plan for the long term. With that comes happiness because it gives a person a sense of control. There are a lot of things I can’t control but I feel like with my plan, I have a sense of how to get through the uncontrollable because I have that ability to see past that situation to the road ahead. Not to say next year I might be changing paths but I hope if I am, it is with a destination in mind.

Staph comes for a visit

WT is just a couple of weeks shy of being 15.  He’s a good sized young man who is constantly reminding me that time keeps moving right along.

Wednesday night he had what looked like a pimple on his arm.  He showed it to me because the skin around it was stretched tight.  He had popped it and gotten some pus out of it but it was still swollen.  Thursday night there was a red circle around it and I was worried about a spider bite (you never want to know how much I worry about brown recluse bites).  Next morning the X was going to pick him up and I wanted him to look at WT’s arm.  By Saturday morning it had blown into a huge infection.  According to the nurse, staph.

So last night, the X brought the kids home and he showed me how to drain and clean the area.  Ok (and this is gross – you are warned) but seeing huge amounts of thick greenish pus coming out of my baby’s arm made me ill.  I’m the person who cared for her mother’s open incision for a couple of weeks.  I am not the squeamish kind but this got to me.  Part of it I know is the fear of MSRA infections, part of it was just that it is my baby.

Tonight my baby knew I couldn’t handle it so he treated himself.  How sad is that?  Well he soaked the arm in hot salty water and it started to drain into the water.  Then he started pressing on it and got out a sac.  My job was to hand him clean paper towels on demand.  Oh and I pour the hydrogen perioxide and then wrap it.

Poor guy.  This is the start of football season.  He is wanting to play so bad but he is afraid of taking a hit to the arm and is very worried of infecting someone else.  This is part of what makes him so special.

Leaving on a jet plane

Tomorrow is the big day!  I’m beyond excited at getting together with the girls for the weekend.  A weekend with friends, with margaritas and acceptance for who I am.  There are several others I would kill to have be there with us but life doesn’t work my way all the time.

Suddenly the ex can’t help take care of the kids’ dog (after initially telling me he could). He has suddenly forgotten that KB has a Dazzler performance Friday night. It might be too far for him to take CT for baseball practice with all the other running to our little town for the kids’ stuff.

Luckily my mother is saving his ass. She has arranged for boarding for Roxie over the weekend (all X has to do is let her out in the mornings and the kids will be home with her in the afternoons until X arrives to pick them up). She is taking care of getting CT to his Sat am practice.

My mom thinks he is just resentful I’m leaving to have fun. No Mom, it is that he has never ever comprehended all it takes to get the kids to all of their events. Like last night, he no-showed CT’s game because he was too tired. I never have that option (not that I would, but just not an option even allowed me to consider).

He likes to play the involved father. He likes to pretend he is going to everything. But he cherrypicks showing up to the events, without much consideration of the practices and misc stuff that needs to happen to make the events possible.

Any bets on the kids getting to school on time? Any bets on what gets blown off because he doesn’t have the time or energy to do it?

Looking back to other get togethers, he has always made them difficult for me.  I can remember when I went to the one in NC, he had chest pains and I spent a lot of the time worrying about him.  I can’t remember what all the issues were while I was in NM, but I remember him calling several times about things.  Back when WT was little, X was good with taking care of him.  But once the twins came along, it was all too complicated.  Not that he will ever admit it, but he just doesn’t get the details that come with kids who are involved in sports and stuff.

And yet, his girlfriend is so convinced I want to win him back.  These are the things that make me glad I’m not dealing with him daily.  I’m glad I’m not having to care for him any more.

Have fun and have a good weekend!!!  Try to do something I would never normally do.