A New Year

I’m not going to make resolutions because those are fake and never work. But I was thinking about something a friend said about how seldom we get chances to start afresh. I’m in nowhere the situation like what she was talking about as I don’t have the chance to just pick up and move and start life completely over.

But the freshness of the new year is exciting. And it made me think about what do I want to see out of this year ahead of me.

1. I want to see projects around the house done so I can enjoy my home more. I am coming to realize what I want isn’t in my skillset (after the weekend fiasco of trying to turn off the water to the house) but I can hire people for little projects here and there. Part of enjoying my home more will come with some better housekeeping. I have started the kids on more structured chores. There is no reason for them not to be helping more.

2. I do want to become more physically fit. I’m not sure that I can and will say that equals weight loss. But for example, I have a goal of during the next two months to get in better water drinking habits again. When my offices move to the new building this spring, we will have a workout room with equipment and I want to use those on a regular basis.

3. I am settling into a rhythm of being on my own. I like it for the most part. I like me and while I’m certainly not perfect, I’m happy with who I am and where I am in life. I have a good job that has great career potential ahead of me. The kids and I are doing ok financially (could be better if I ever saw child support but that is in process). I want to set some financial goals now that I’m getting out survival mode.

4. I want to travel some this year. I watch some of the discount airfares and want to take some weekend trips to see some of my friends. The question is, do they want me to see them? I could scare poor CMajor when I tell him it is a lifelong goal of mine to get up to the northwest…

So in a nutshell, I’m content with the path I’m on. I have some finetuning to do but I feel good about my direction in life. Last year I felt that I was just drifting and doing what I could to survive. Now I’m past that stage and can look ahead with a sense of direction and purpose. I know too many people who stay in that surviving mode and are unhappy with life. I truly believe that you have to have a sense of direction. It doesn’t mean changing your life drastically in all cases – it just means you have a plan for the long term. With that comes happiness because it gives a person a sense of control. There are a lot of things I can’t control but I feel like with my plan, I have a sense of how to get through the uncontrollable because I have that ability to see past that situation to the road ahead. Not to say next year I might be changing paths but I hope if I am, it is with a destination in mind.

Back to focusing on the positives

The economy is brutualzing some friends of mine right now.  And I have to take this moment and feel blessed I have a good job that can ride through these economic uncertainities. 

And I have to stop and think about what my kids are getting from me.  Without government help and virtually no financial help from their father, I am keeping a roof over their heads, food on the table and a lap they can cuddle into.  They know that Mom is on their side throughout life and while she might not be able to keep all of her promises, that she tries to very hard.  They have a large family that loves them and they know that we all stick together, no matter how fractured the family is. 

Life isn’t about the things we can stick in our pockets.  It is about the people we have around us.

Thanksgiving is coming up and while it isn’t why I’m reminded of the blessings I have, it is a good time to stop and count them.

Who is the adult here?

So WT has told me all week he doesn’t want to go to his dad’s.  This is no surprise since WT told me weeks ago that if his dad gets back with Ju-Ju, he didn’t want to go back over there (his comment was that he didn’t need that in his life).  As usual, WT didn’t want to tell his dad, so I sent X a text message.  He said he wanted to hear it from WT.  I understand but I also it is hard for WT to tell his dad how he feels.  So I texted him back about why make this harder on WT than it is already.

He then accused me of manipulating WT’s feelings.  He ignores WT’s feelings about Ju-Ju so I must be the manipulator.

I don’t have to play those games.  All I have to do is stand back and let him be who he is.  I just stop protecting his image to the kids and let them see him.  For example, CT invited him (actually since I couldn’t go I suggested CT call X) to his inter-school math competition.  X asked about a time and CT (who is 9) said he would ask.  From there, X never said another word about going.  As a matter of fact, X forgot it was ths week and hasn’t even asked how CT did.  Now it will be CT’s fault for not getting the information on the time.  Never mind that X is an adult and certainly should be capable of calling the school to find the information.  Instead it will be easier to blame the 9 year old.

I’m not cut out to be the mom of a daughter

Not when I could barely keep from laughing this morning as my 9.5 year old daughter declares that I don’t love her since I was willing to let her go to school this morning looking like “the Bride of Frankenstein” (her hair was fine, I just didn’t have time to flat iron it for her).

Are there still convents to send my daughter too?

Staph comes for a visit

WT is just a couple of weeks shy of being 15.  He’s a good sized young man who is constantly reminding me that time keeps moving right along.

Wednesday night he had what looked like a pimple on his arm.  He showed it to me because the skin around it was stretched tight.  He had popped it and gotten some pus out of it but it was still swollen.  Thursday night there was a red circle around it and I was worried about a spider bite (you never want to know how much I worry about brown recluse bites).  Next morning the X was going to pick him up and I wanted him to look at WT’s arm.  By Saturday morning it had blown into a huge infection.  According to the nurse, staph.

So last night, the X brought the kids home and he showed me how to drain and clean the area.  Ok (and this is gross – you are warned) but seeing huge amounts of thick greenish pus coming out of my baby’s arm made me ill.  I’m the person who cared for her mother’s open incision for a couple of weeks.  I am not the squeamish kind but this got to me.  Part of it I know is the fear of MSRA infections, part of it was just that it is my baby.

Tonight my baby knew I couldn’t handle it so he treated himself.  How sad is that?  Well he soaked the arm in hot salty water and it started to drain into the water.  Then he started pressing on it and got out a sac.  My job was to hand him clean paper towels on demand.  Oh and I pour the hydrogen perioxide and then wrap it.

Poor guy.  This is the start of football season.  He is wanting to play so bad but he is afraid of taking a hit to the arm and is very worried of infecting someone else.  This is part of what makes him so special.

Wow, great words where I least expected it

Sportziemom did a bad thing to me and got me hooked on watching Top Chef.  I did really enjoy it, even though she knows I’m not the type to eat fancy foods. 

Being a true fan, I like reading the site’s blogs with insights into the show, especially Tom’s blog, since he seems to be such a genuine and like-able guy.  So imagine my shock to read these words

Tom’s Blog

Women are reluctant to enter the culinary world because they believe (and this is not unjustified) that a cooking career is incompatible with raising children, which leaves those of us who want to hire, promote, and mentor women with a slimmer field to choose from than we’d like. And to an extent, they’re right: The bottom line is our society does not yet provide women in the workplace with the type of social supports, like high-quality subsidized child care or extended parental leave, that allows them to fully go for it, and the impact this has on the scope and depth of a career is profound. Right or wrong, men plunge into their careers without much thought about how they’ll navigate the work/family balance. They assume someone — spouse, parent, paid caregiver — will materialize to take care of it (and usually someone does.)

I bolded the part that really spoke to me.  Those two sentences summed up so much of where my marriage failed.  He never has or will think about where someone to pick up the kids will come from.  Either I did/do it or I arrange for it to happen.  When he isn’t paying child support, it doesn’t really bother him, I will make it work so the kids are fed, have clothes, etc.  And this happens in households all around the world every single day, not just by single moms but just from moms.  Yes some men get this and break the stereotypical mold but until it happens regularly, this is where the chasm of sexual inequality will lie.

Tom Colicchio is much more than a food genius. The title of this post is not to imply that Chef Colicchio is not a wise man, I just didn’t expect to find some a worldly gem of information in a reality tv blog.

Mom vacation

Moms need vacations too.  Just like employees need time away from work to recharge their batteries, so do parents.  Since the X gets two weeks of vacation every other week after a mere 2.5 days of parenting, I’m not too worried about his needs.  Now common sense would say that he should realize that 2.5 days off every other weekend isn’t really what I’m talking about.  I’m talking about getting away, getting drunk and giddy with my friends.  Of course the X tried to ruin it but despite his bad behavior, I had a great time.

First of all, Monticello was so cool.  I was surprised the rooms were smaller than I would have thought but otherwise, it was all I had dreamed it would be.  I hate guided tours though.  I would rather explore at my own pace, but life doesn’t always give me what I want.

And then my friends rock!!!  It was such a good time.  We drank too much, stayed up way too late, didn’t sleep nearly enough, ate badly and had the best time ever.  It was such a perfect group.  It was cozy and intimate.  We shared so many thoughts and feelings.  I wouldn’t have traded this time away for anything in the world.  I know I’m a better parent for the little break.

But it is back to the regular world again.  Thanks Sportzie for having us.

 

I’m too young to be this damn old

WT has freshman orientation tonight.  I remember all too well my high school years.  He can’t be that old yet.  He is still a baby.  Right?